Susan, Author at Shedwriting

May 24, 2022July 30, 2022

Little House on the Prairie

I spent the weekend in a glamping pod with best mates and their kids. Waking up to a big sky as trees wave through the window, avoiding rain showers by cuddling under blankets, barbecuing very (very) slowly, playing silly ‘would you rather’ games over fish and chips, sitting by the campfire with whiskey, staring at the stars. It was all rather blissful. Spending time with loved ones while out in the fresh air is surely one of life’s greatest pleasures.

And more than anything it was a reminder that I want to live more simply and take up less space in the world. Those clever little living pods were adorable and cosy. They had everything you could need. Most of all, they were small. Living in Hans the Van for a year and a half taught me so much about tiny living. We spent less during our travels than ‘normal’ life, we bought less (it wouldn’t fit in the cupboards) and we didn’t waste food because we bought fresh and local. I’d like to keep these lessons at the forefront of my mind these days. Now that I’m back to living in an actual house, I’ve noticed that I’m accumulating stuff yet again. It’s not a massive home but the cupboards and loft and shed are filling up.

Modern life has pushed us towards debt: the big house, the big car, the big family holiday. Big, big, big. But what if we started to shrink things and see magic in the small? I’m keeping an eye out for a tiny cabin home (preferably in an equally tiny forest) and I’ll need to be able to fit all my worldly goods inside. So it’s time to clear out while remembering the mantra: the best things in life are free.

Laughing with friends, stroking a cat, noticing new flowers starting to bloom, staring at the stars. Big things are small. Small things are big. Let’s start to get them the right way round.

May 15, 2022July 30, 2022

Memories are Made of This

What’s your earliest memory? I think mine is an incident in the lift on our way up to Granny and Granda’s flat. I was about four years old and was holding out my hands filled with coins that I’d been saving in my piggybank. It might have added up to around £3.96 or so. Mum tried to give me a five pound note in exchange and I howled the place down. I was very put out that she was giving me ONE thing in exchange for LOADS of things. Hardly fair was it?

Now I wonder if that memory is strong because Mum tells the story all the time? Family legends follow us around and even slightly tall tales can become embedded in our life stories until we completely believe they happened.

Memory is a complex mechanism and one that some psychologists have given their entire professional life to understand. The beginnings of discovery in 1953 of the hippocampus region in the brain came about (as these things tend to do) quite by accident. Surgeons had removed a section of H.M.’s brain in an attempt to help reduce epileptic fits. But when he woke up he was no longer able to form new memories. Each day was brand new and each loved one was a stranger.

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Our brains work very hard to encode, store and then retrieve memories. I keep picturing the amazing Pixar film Inside Out when I imagine what’s going on in my head – all those lovely memories being filed and moved and coloured in a particular way. And the message that sad memories simply join happy ones is profound. They both make us who we are. They also provide us with a reservoir to dip into when required.

At the dentist last week (root canal work, I don’t want to talk about it) I purposely closed my eyes and skipped through wonderful memories of The Big Trip. I did the same thing in the claustrophobic confines of an MRI scanner last year. And the escape from reality worked. So well, in fact, that I wondered if the radiologist would look at the images on the screen and see my brain’s memory and sensory regions light up.

Like many of us I sometimes feel afraid about losing my memory (MS is an uncertain disease) because I know who I am, I know who I love and I remember, most of all, the happiest and the saddest of days that have made me the person I am. The brain is holding it all for me. They’re beyond precious, those memories. And I’ll treasure them.

April 23, 2022May 31, 2022

The Zone of Comfort

Do something every day that scares you. Every day? Really? Wouldn’t that be exhausting? I’ve been pushing against my comfort boundaries and have noticed that the harder I push, the bigger the reward. It’s different for all of us, no doubt. The trick is to keep nudging things along, dipping toes in water to see how it feels.

My main problem tends to be my (loud) inner critic. She has a field day when I start to step towards the edge, always quick to leap up and hold me back, keen to keep me safe. To be fair, the comfort zone cushions are nice and squishy. Why would you leave the area and risk the discomfort of regret or failure?

A while back, we planned to leave our jobs, sell our house, and pack everything into a van to live on the road for a year. The inner critic once again started shouting. It’s dangerous out there! What if something goes wrong miles from home? You don’t even speak the languages of those countries! (Also, I’ve heard there are wolves in Scandinavia). And so on. We felt the fear and did it anyway. And it was an unforgettable experience, leaving us with memories of a lifetime.

I had always wanted to record my voice and maybe even feature on the radio some day. But your voice sounds weird! And you don’t know the first thing about recording things! I felt the fear and did it anyway. And now I’m a regular contributor on BBC Radio Ulster sharing thoughts for the day. 

More recently, when I accepted a job as a storyteller visiting prisons to lead sessions with women and young people, the voice was filled with anxiety as it spoke about safety and failure. I felt the fear and did it anyway. And already I’ve learned so much about life’s twists and turns from some amazing people.

All of these things involved stepping out of my comfort zone, just to see what would happen. It wasn’t always easy. Sometimes I second-guessed myself, sometimes I thought I’d make a mistake, but mostly I found that life rewarded my courage with newly-formed self-belief.

There’s nothing quite like the feeling that comes from pushing yourself (even a little) and living to tell the tale. I wonder what’s around the next corner…I’m up for giving it a go.

April 16, 2022May 31, 2022

Titanic

This week is Titanic’s anniversary. Built in Belfast, we’ve got a special place in our hearts for this ship of dreams. Thomas Hardy’s poem ‘The Convergence of the Twain’ never fails to send shivers down my spine. I can picture him sitting at his desk in 1912, dipping his pen over and over, in response to the news coming in. Hardy blamed ‘the Immanent Will’ and the ‘Spinner of the Years’. But never before had humanity reached so high; never before had it lost so much. In the sweep of history, it feels as if this magnificent ship was ushering in cruel fate and great loss, even beyond herself and the icy Atlantic. World wars were soon on their way. Hubris was no longer to go unpunished.

A video reading of ‘The Convergence of the Twain’.

April 9, 2022May 31, 2022

What the @x!%?

I started to lead reading sessions at a new site the other day as part of my work with The Reader. It was fantastic to meet some young people in a criminal justice setting and to share stories together. After almost nine months of waiting to start in-person groups, it was both scary and a relief to finally get to do it. And you know what? It felt as if I’d been doing it for years. Impostor syndrome made an attempt to say something but she shut up pretty quickly as I just got on with the job.

One of the first things the librarian said to me was, “Nice to finally meet you! Do you swear by any chance?” I was nonplussed but admitted that, yes, I do have a bit of a potty mouth. It’s no surprise that in those settings the language is fairly colourful; it’s probably a release of some sort but it’s also psychologically very healthy.

Various studies have found that our tolerance for pain is higher when we’re swearing. In one experiment, subjects had to plunge their hands into ice-cold water while a timer measured how long they could cope. Those who shouted out curse words were able to last longer. About ten years ago celebrities got involved – have a look here to see how Brian Blessed got on (you can probably guess).

“Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.”

Calvin & Hobbes

Before you get too excited and start introducing foul language into everyday interactions, there’s a caveat. Isn’t there always? Because it turns out that the effect is only noticeable if the subject doesn’t regularly swear. The brain seems to be startled into pain-management mode only if it’s equally startled by the bad words.

So hold your tongue when things are normal so that you can keep the big bad words in reserve. Next time you stub your toe or hit your funny bone, you can shout all sorts of words into the air and find relief. And you can thank me later.