I was staying at a cottage by the sea last month and took a cuppa out into the garden to enjoy the silence. It was going well until a sudden and repeated thumping noise arrived from the kitchen window. I was startled but also annoyed. What was disturbing my precious peace?
I looked towards the window and saw that a swallow had become trapped inside the cottage and was desperately trying to get out. Her wings were beating furiously against the glass and at once I felt anxious, almost in a panic. I ran inside to try to help and saw that there were two birds flying low against the ceiling and trying again and again to get out the closed window. My heart rate jumped even higher as I opened windows and doors and tried to gently coax them out. Eventually (maybe swallows are smarter than I thought) they both swooped out the small gap in the window and all was well.
I couldn’t work out why I felt so panicky when they were flying around inside, it was as if I was picking up on their fear. This happens all the time, of course, as we humans interact with one another. There are hidden emotions, things unsaid, thoughts and fears and dreams and hopes fly all around us in ordinary conversations. These invisible and silent things come to land eventually. Some people pick up on others’ feelings more easily, but it’s incredible to think that we can influence another person – for good or ill – simply in how we behave while we’re in their presence.
When I worked as a reading group leader in prisons there was often a very tense atmosphere in the room – invisible and unspoken issues had made their presence felt and affected everyone. At some point, I came to understand that I needed to project a sense of calm into the room when this happened, purposefully and with intention. It could be something as simple as slowing down my own breathing, but soon enough this peaceful projection found its way and settled on everyone’s shoulders. Sometimes the change was like night and day as we all took breaths and let our shoulders drop. “You’re very calm, miss,” was the response one day. I smiled and let the quiet continue to work its magic.
We affect one another in so many ways, and so many of these ways are not even visible or easy to contain. We might beat against the window in desperation and wonder why everyone around us is anxious and scared. Or we might take deep breaths and bring a sense of calm to those nearby.
Anger is infectious, fear is infectious, but so, too, is laughter and joy and peace. I want to be the person who chooses the latter.